What Lupus Taught Me About Building a Business.

I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a business owner.

I have a hard earned bachelor’s degree completed when my life was an absolute shitshow, working full time as a single mom in my late thirties. Getting that degree required hours of pouring over books whenever I could steal time. My diploma was earned on nights and weekends. Those papers were written on lunch breaks and in the early hours of the morning before the day started.

I have always been someone who takes on too much. I feel the weight of my self-imposed responsibilities very acutely and I hate to fail.

I own and operate a business and have a 9–5 job. I fill my time with things that feel meaningful to me… my family, my hobbies, my work. I like to work, I like to feel creative and productive and of service to others.

I also have a chronic illness, but somehow that always seems to get mentioned last… if at all.

I have systemic lupus erythematosus, SLE for short, or just plain old lupus if you please.

My lupus is always with me. It’s like the imaginary friend you had as a kid that no one else could see. My lupus tags along everywhere I go. It’s the silent partner in my marriage, my personal relationships and my 9-5 job and my business.

Lupus is stealing from me every day.

It’s stealing my energy and my ability to keep up. It’s stealing the precious sleep I need, keeping me awake long after I should be. It’s stealing my peace of mind, leaving me wondering- is this how things are going to be for the rest of my life?

It’s stealing my time in the form of hours spent in doctors offices for appointments and treatments. Time spent resting when I want to be doing. Time spent doing when I should be resting.

It’s stealing my self-esteem and redefining the way I see my body. It’s turned some of my favorite things to do, (hello beach days, my old friend), into things I shouldn’t do.

Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease. A healthy immune system is your first line of defense against sickness. It fights off invaders trying to harm you. It keeps your healthy cells shiny and clean and lets your body do all the natural things a healthy body does.

My immune system sees my healthy cells as stormtroopers invading the mothership. My immune system does its absolute best to attack and wipe out all that is holy and good inside of me. My immune system does not play well with others.

It is a constant battle to live inside my body. I have often made the reference that it feels like I live in a burning house. There is a slow burn happening inside of me that one day I envision will turn to a towering flame.

But yet- my lupus does not define me.

I have dreams and plans for the future. I’ve built a business from scratch and have a family I adore. I have no plans to abandon my goal to have a life designed by me, for me.

But it’s not easy. I’ve had major health issues stop my business in its tracks, stalling my progress and creating self-doubt. I’ve had to learn to navigate the delicate balance between managing my chronic illness and growing my business. I’ve had big wins and even bigger losses, but the difference between me and the entrepreneur next door is that I will not give up.

Having lupus has made me appreciate my life more, even on the hard days. It has forced me to acknowledge that there is an expiration date on all of us and that we’re promised nothing.

To those who are like me, chronically ill (but majorly awesome), struggling but ambitious, failing but still trying… I say keep going. Your chronic illness doesn’t define you, just like mine doesn’t define me. You are strong, you are resilient and you are capable of far greater than you even know.

Stay strong my chronic illness warriors, I see you.

The Entreprenuerial Mindset Trap

I recently redecorated my home office. 

It was an undertaking that had me flying high… at first. I was super excited to amplify my space. I bought a new desk chair (love). A new rug (obsessed). And the pièce de résistance, a new desk.  Picture a beautiful gray wood desk with a convertible stand-up desk top and drawers for days. It's a beautiful desk that came with an extra special surprise.

That gorgeous desk arrived in exactly one million pieces. (Guess I missed the assembly required part.)

Now, I'm not one to be deterred from a mission so I decided to put it together myself. Despite cynical looks from my loving husband, I set to work sorting a million tiny screws and wood panels. How hard could it be? 

It was hard. Really freaking hard. But I kept going. After 3 hours of pouring over 17 steps of directions, trying not to lose a million tiny little screws, applying copious amounts of wood glue and kneeling over with a 45 y/o bad back,  my efforts were rewarded... with a loud CRACK!

Spoiler alert, it wasn’t my back.

The entire side panel of my new beautiful gray wood desk with the cool stand-up desk top and drawers for days... was cracked. I sat there stunned, on the verge of frustrated tears. I stared at the ruins of the project I had worked so hard on for the better part of my Sunday. I tried to push the crack back together. No go. I toyed with sealing it up with some more wood glue. No dice. So what now? Cry, scream, set the whole freaking thing on fire and call it a day? I thought about it. I visualized the raging inferno that beautiful gray wood would create with the flick of a match. I went dark for a minute, friends.  But then, I took a deep breath and reminded myself this project was about elevating my office space. If I lost my sh** over this desk, how would that help?  If I sat there in defeat and decided oh well, guess I never should’ve tried to do this... how is that helping me elevate this space and my mindset about this new space?

It’s not.

I took a deep breath and decided not to choose violence. I dusted myself off and got a drink of water. I called the company for a new panel and put in a call to the handyman. I conceded defeat to my husband who wasn't keen on the project in the first place. The company will send me a new panel. The handyman will take it from there. He'll save me more frustration and probably a trip to the chiropractor to realign my old lady back. I'll still get my desk, but I'll have to wait a few days.

Problem solved. 

It’s a lot like business, right? Tiny little pieces everywhere, some of them fitting together seamlessly, some taking a bit more muscle to fit in the right holes. And sometimes, it all still comes apart no matter how much wood glue we have on hand.

Mindset is a piece of the business puzzle that most entrepreneurs struggle the most with. There is so much mixed messaging online around mindset, it can be hard to know what to believe. Manifest this, know your worth that. Spending too much time on any social media platform will make your head spin. Consuming too much Insta-garbage will have you buying into every new mindset trend deemed "the next big thing".

Despite all the noise, we have to remain ruthless about our own mindset. The stories we tell ourselves matter. Some days I'm good at keeping my entrepreneurial mindset in check. Other days I fall down the rabbit hole and question my entrepreneurial existence. The internal dialogue we have with ourselves is a direct indicator of how successful we will be. 

I'm curious, what do you do to keep all the tiny little screws from scattering? What ways have you found work best to keep your entrepreneurial mindset in check?